Hello 2010!

I keep waiting for a break in the action, but it just isn't coming. The past two months have been some of the busiest, happiest, most hectic I can remember. I am so sorry for not posting more, but I have hardly had a moment to catch my breath. However I don't want to keep you hanging any longer - so this is a back to basics - no funny commentary - no photo and video - kind of post. Hopefully all of the bells and whistles will come back in February!

• We spent a WONDERFUL Christmas in Utah with the fam. At the last minute Anders was able to come out too. It was so fun seeing the grandmas, aunts, uncles and cousins!
• We have had a house full of guests non-stop in 2010. We had friends in town for New Years, my parents in town last weekend, friends in town starting tomorrow and both sets of parents in town the weekend after that. Thank goodness for the guest room. It will be getting a break in February I think!
• The house is undergoing some major changes. We inherited some beautiful furniture and are getting the fence installed next week. Those are the last major projects - but we have a pile of mini-projects that is growing longer each day.
• I turned 30! It was such a fun fantastic weekend split between Williamsburg and DC. Family friends threw us an engagement party that was so much fun and very, very sweet. My parents came to town, we looked at wedding venues, set up the house, ate amazing meals and I just enjoyed being another year older. 30 has been pretty great so far. This weekend I have tons of friends coming in town to celebrate. It is going to be big time fun!
• The wedding - boy oh boy this thing is time consuming. It is amazing how many options are out there. Still nothing decided yet, but we are taking baby steps in towards a date and venue. My father is an AWEsome wedding planner. The budget, spreadsheets, reports and estimates just keep coming. I have no idea how you would plan something like this without some serious help.
• Anders has been working like crazy. He has spent more time on business trips then in the new house. When he is home 12am-1am is generally when he finally calls it quits. Its hard to pass up on such amazing experience, but it is really hard work. On top of all of this he is still just being fantastic - bidding fence contractors, helping with the wedding, taking care of Hux and just generally being the best fiancee ever. I really don't know how I got so lucky.

Things have felt very busy and stressful lately - but there is no denying that life is pretty wonderful for me right now. In moments recently I have felt very caught up in myself and all that is going on around me. I was sent this quote today and it really struck me.

"I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."

Stephen Grellet, French/American religious leader (1779-1855)

It is such a good reminder to really appreciate this moment. To do all that you can to make it better for another person and to not wait for tomorrow. To keep your own life in perspective. Keeping Haiti on my mind, as well as smaller challenges I know others around me are facing.

25 Things

I am working on a list of 100 things of 2009 (something I do around each new year) but it's not done. So this is a shorter version of facts about me!

In no particular order:

1) I have a horrible memory. I can never remember conversations, rarely can remember events, and hardly remember the events of the day. I'm awful with names, but decent with faces. People are constantly reminding me of things I should probably know. This makes being a therapist incredibly challenging. It also makes me curious how easily writing these 25 things will be for me.

2) Despite my early onset retention issues mentioned in #1, I'm really good at remembering song lyrics. Music of all sorts sticks in my head, especially musicals. The first musical I could recite word-for-word was Phantom of the Opera and the first time I went to see the show I identified the places where they had changed the lyrics from the original soundtrack. I love to sing, but I was not musically blessed, so I have to just mouth the words if people are around who value their hearing.

3) I'm a Taurus born in the year of the Dog (April 24th, 1982). This means I'm stubborn and loyal. I think "loyal" is just a positive reframe of "stubborn" because both mean you don't change easily. Once I form an opinion, it takes a lot for me to change my mind. I used to be even more inflexible and critical...which scares me.

4) My first love is animals. I watch Discovery Channel and Animal Planet with a vengeance. My early career choices included farmer (for fauna, not agriculture), a zoo keeper, a marine biologist, ethologist (a fancy word for behaviorist), which eventually led me to psychology. In my lifetime I've had six dogs, nine cats, three birds, countless fish, anoles, and hermit crabs. I want a dog. Desperately.

5) As a child I could tell you anything you wanted to know about dinosaurs -- imagine the little boy from Jurassic Park. I have lost everything I once knew about them (see #1). I had quite a sizeable dinosaur collection.

6) My dinosaurs used to have epic battles with my sisters My Little Ponies. Eventually, they became my My Little Ponies. Eventually, I think I owned more of those ponies than my sister. I remember the last My Little Pony I ever bought...I was too old to be buying ponies. It was a FlutterPony named Rosebud. I still love the Movie (it's a musical -- see #2).

7) I was never a particularly sporty youth: I preferred video games. Despite my preference, I played soccer for eight years, I swam on a swim team for eight summers, I played basketball for four years, a lifeguard, and I became a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do in High School. As an adult I have played on an outdoor soccer league, an indoor soccer league, and an adult kickball league. I've secretly always wanted to play rugby, but I think I am a little too fragile.

8) I am a certified Master SCUBA Diver. That means I can go out on dives without an instructor. I'm not sure I ever would do this. I'm also a certified Rescue Diver. This means I can assist in an underwater emergency. I'm not sure I remember how to do this. I've been diving in beautiful places like The Great Barrier Reef in Australia, Looe Key in the Florida Keys, and St. John. My first open water dive was in a cold, dark, barely visible rock quarry in Virginia.

9) As a rule, I don't like seafood. The one exception is wild salmon. This is unusual, because I generally think of myself as pretty adventurous when it comes to food, but if it comes from the ocean, I'm not a fan. Especially mussels. Bleh.

10) I want to learn to surf, but I've watched too much Shark Week (see #4) to want to surf in California. I have a secret fear of Jaws, because Jaws was the first scary movie I ever saw. I'm not scared of all sharks, mind you, in fact, I would love to go in a shark cage in South Africa to see Great Whites in person. My fear is isolated to Jaws. And the mother of Jaws. I know it's not real, but it's still scary!

11) I love to travel, although I don't particularly like to fly. I love roadtrips. I've been to 40 of the United States, Mexico, New Zealand, Australia, England, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, the Cayman Island, Canada, France, Spain, Italy, Greece, Turkey, and Costa Rica. There are so many places I'd like to go, including: South Africa, India, China, Egypt, Fiji, Hawaii, the Galapagos, Chile, Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Alaska, Madagascar, Botswana, etc. etc.

12) Especially when traveling, but always, I sleep to a sound machine. I always sleep with the thunderstorm setting on for an hour. Some people find it very irritating (like my sister when we have to share a hotel room), but I think it is so soothing. It helps me turn off my mind. Although, I will admit, when a real thunderstorm comes, I tend to feel sleepy.

13) I recently bought a body pillow who I named Mr. Wuggums. I like to name things. I've always wanted a body pillow. I tend to cocoon myself in my sleep in blankets, until I get too hot, then I snuggle with my former cocoon. Now, I have Mr. Wuggums to cuddle with when I get too hot.

14) I am very temperature sensitive. I get hot very easily. I can't touch people or blankets for too long without getting hot. And sweaty. It's not my favorite thing about myself. Because I love cuddling and hold hands and hugs and touch and this trait counterbalances my wishes.

15) Speaking of getting too hot, my first job ever was as a historic interpreter at Colonial Williamsburg. I was a fifer in the Fife & Drum Corps. This meant twice a week I had to wear full costume and march and play music, in the heat of the humid Virginia summer. The job was problematic because I was not blessed with the gift of song (see #1 and #2) and don't have a particularly military mindset naturally (see #6 or ever meet me). I wanted to quit for ages, but the people pleaser in me stayed for two full years. It was a big day when I finally told them to eat it (really I just said I was done and good luck).

16) Although I hated Fifing and marching and being yelled at, I loved the costumes, and more importantly, I love hosting costume-required theme parties. I love hosting all kinds of parties, but theme parties are by far my favorite. I love to coordinate the food, drinks, decoration, and, of course, my costume. Some that I've hosted include: a colorful toga party, a pirate party (before everyone was doing it), a cruise ship party, a cowboys and indians (from India) party, etc.

17) Sometimes I think I should do community theater or acting of some sort. I did a number of plays and musicals in high school and loved the friendships forged, performing, rehearsals, everything. I miss some of those things.

18) I'm currently applying for my postdoctoral position while currently on my predoctoral internship. I defended my dissertation in December 09 and will graduate in June 2010!

19) I feel very fortunate. I also feel hardworking, but lots of things have seemed to work out in my life and career. I've always had a five year plan, and currently, I barely have a five week plan. Even though I don't know where things are going, I'm curious/happy/excited/scared/hopeful to find out what the next chapter looks like.

20) I love zombie movies. And video games. This really became realized in college when every Thursday my friend Jesse and I would have "Drew Night" where we would order pizza, drink SKYY, watch Survivor, and then play video games until we were silly. The video game we played the most was Resident Evil III (*stars*). Movies I own include Night of the Living Dead, Day of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead (including remakes), 28 Days Later, Slither, Shawn of the Dead, Resident Evil, Ghosts of Mars. I describe "zombie" in the loosest sense.

21) Maybe because of #20, I like to lock doors when I go into rooms, usually without thinking. I do it second nature in my office and then I always feel weird unlocking the door when someone knocks. I also used to spend time planning what I would do if zombies attacked...*NOW*. (In case you're curious, my office has big forward facing windows, which is no place to stage a defense, I would have to get to the roof, or the bathroom, or the meeting room in the back with a secret door and big furniture).

22) I tend to perseverate with things I like to the point of exhaustion. For example, I will listen to the same song over and over and over again until I don't want to hear it anymore. (The current song is Hayley Westenra's cover of Kate Bush's 'Wuthering Heights'). Since then I have watched one feature film and one BBC miniseries of Wuthering Heights. I'm currently listening. I also do this with other things...like my favorite restaurant is Flavor of India and I could go there 5 days a week and order the chicken tikka masala every time. There have been weeks where I have gone three days in a row.

23) I love car rides but I don't really like to drive. But I dislike other peoples driving typically more, so I end up driving. I once drove from Maryland to Kansas without a break, but I got a lil delirious toward the end. I have also had roadtrips from Virginia to Florida, Maryland to New York City, New Jersey to Maryland (after the big blackout of 2003 canceled my flight from NYC), Santa Barbara to San Diego, San Francisco to Santa Barbara many times, and recently from Baltimore to Pittsburgh in a snow storm!

24) Speaking of snow, I don't like snow. And anything cold. I used to tell people I was allergic to ice when ordering water and you'd be amazed how many people will believe you. As per snow, I like it when it is falling. I like when it is out of my window and I'm by a cozy fire with nowhere to go. I like it when I am skiing on it. After that, I want it to all melt away. I don't like snowy roads, I don't like when it is that cold (maybe see #13), and I hate when snow stops being fluffy and white. I recoil from the freezer section and hate to touch ice barehanded.

25) Because my graduation and my sister's wedding are both in 2010 and each of these events are likely to be very photograph heavy events, I am wanting to make this a year to get into the best shape of my life. I have been walking more of late, trying to eat healthier, and am signing up for a gym membership tonight! Wish me luck on getting less jiggly!

Man - Things have been crazy. And to top it all off we had a HUGE snow storm here in DC this week. Almost 20 inches!

I am looking forward to catching up on South Africa posts, moving into the new house, being happily engaged - but for now I will levae you with Hux and the snow!

Have a very happy holiday!

Defended

Wow. The effort of twenty-three or six or a few years of education came to a culmination on Friday and I am still reeling from all of it. Completion of my dissertation has felt so distant for so long that to have suddenly passed it by is a little disorienting! Mind you, it's a lovely disorientation, but I have been so focused on finishing school for so long that it is hard to believe there could be anything else out there to focus on. I'm excited to find out (again)! Like today after work ... how will I entertain myself without more dissertation to work on?!

For the actual defense I had two hours scheduled with my committee on Friday, Dec. 11th from 2pm to 4pm. It was in the new building, which I had never been in, but it was actually very nice on the interior. Our defenses aren't completely open to the public, but they are trying to require new students to attend one before they defend themselves. Luckily for me, being the afternoon of Friday before winter break, no students showed up, so no pressure to perform in front of strangers. Just professors.

I had been practicing my powerpoint for days, trying to shorten it, as my committee chair said she only wanted 20 minutes of presentation and the remaining hour and forty minutes for questions and defending. My powerpoint was 20 slides and probably closer to an hour, but I didn't know any way to eliminate slides and still have a coherent presentation, and it worked out for the best because it stimulated discussion and conversation throughout.

The committee meets once at the beginning of the two hours and again toward the end when they decide the outcome. The first time they only met for a couple of minutes, which Tania (my advisor) whispered was a good sign as she led me back to the room. I did my presentation well and despite wanting to answer questions slightly differently in retrospect, they did not ask me anything that totally stumped me, which was nice. When I went into the defense it had started raining and about midway through the sun burst out and was shining in the window at me and that's when I realized things were going very well.

I think we only met for about an hour...maybe an hour and twenty before they ran out of questions. That was a good feeling too -- like I had thought about all of their questions and answered them during the presentation. I had a whole good-luck goodie bag from my mom with Asian metal fish, a rubbing stone, lavender, etc. and some of my own good luck additions -- a bobble head turtle I brought to UC Santa Barbara for my interview. I also wore a silver pin with a heart on it that my mom gave me and that was the first gift my dad bought her.

At the end, they asked me to leave and after less than 10 minutes they invited me back in and congratulated me! They each told me nice things (that I wish I had done a better job of recording) including telling me that my study was groundbreaking, masterful, and elegantly conducted. One member said she really saw the work I had put into the paper since the proposal. Another member said that with all the proposals, defenses and qualifying exams he was working on this quarter that he was looking forward to reading mine most! It was particularly meaningful because he is a counseling process and outcome researcher and very reluctant to give compliments. And then my advisor stayed and reiterated how excited she was about my project, how it is just what the field needs, and how I have to publish it quickly! She asked what I was going to do first and I said I needed to update my facebook status! We reminisced of all the changes in the last six years and hugged each other a few times in the excitement.

After that the celebration continued at my friends ranch in Cuyama. All in all, a pretty amazing week and a pretty important day in the scheme of things for Drew! Thanks for all the support and love and contact -- it's been amazing!

This guy...

After almost 23 years of consecutive education (seriously - the man hasn't taken a break since pre-school) this is perhaps the largest of Drews academic milestones. Today Drew defends his dissertation. Its kind of unbelievable how much he has accomplished. This is the last major step to him becoming a doctor. Most of you know what an an amazing person he is - smart, successful, handsome, hilarious and kind. I know he is going to blow them out of the water, however please send your good vibes out into the universe today for ol' Drew Bear (specifically at 2pm PST). So here is a photo montage of Drew and a little song we like to sing to help you with those positive thoughts!

You are the best

You can do anything

You can be anything you want to be...

You are a smile

You are a rainbow

You can do everything so perfectly

Sometimes we laugh (ahhhhhh!)

Sometimes we cry (ohhhhhh!)

Sometimes we hurt inside and don't understand why!

You're only human

You make mistakes

Why does it feel like only other people get the brea-aks!

Da da da da da dahhhh!

You're the best!

Love you DrewBear! GOOD LUCK!

The Countdown Begins

First, let me say how thrilled I am about the previous post! I have read and re-read it many times over the last week and a half. I have also referred a number of people to the blog, rather than retelling the story, since it is so comprehensive! The only thing I would add is that I was holding my hand under the table because Anders had told me the setup he was planning on and every time he began the initial approach with Grandma Barb and I would start to get nervous with anticipation, someone would hijack the conversation (usually Grandma Barb or Lyndsey! Probably because neither was in on it) and take it miles away from the intended landing site! And when this happened for the third or fourth time, I was beginning to wonder if the whole thing was going to be a bust. And I just wanted to help out, but I couldn't think of anything short of "Can it everyone, he has an important question!" So, instead and squeezed my own hand under the table and tried to appear focused. In short, I am so excited for the WTF merging and to have a brother. Especially a wonderful guy like Anders. I always wanted a brother growing up, but I was pretty firmly planted as the baby of the family and I think I would have been a miserable middle child, so I think this has all worked out for the best.

In other news I am about 72 hours away from my dissertation defense. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The defense in my program is a two-hour block with my committee where I present for about 20 minutes and then get an onslaught of questions for the remainder of the time. Our defenses aren't typically open to the public and I am happy with this option, although there may be a few students in the room in addition to my committee. The unfortunate piece is that there is very little advice people can give because it is *my* study and *my* writing and who knows on which pieces my committee will focus. The document is 165 pages and every time I read it, I find edits that I want to make, so I imagine they feel the same way.

I think what has been most helpful is hearing that my committee at this point is rooting for me, rather than against me (like in the qualifying exams or even the proposal meeting). At this point it is in everyone's best interest for me to finish and their responses are probably with that intent. I expect revisions and that is normal, but now they want the manuscript to be excellent and turned into an article. It's just hard to believe that the last six years (or 20) of academic preparation have been culminating in this moment. Once I leave (assuming I don't spontaneously combust), there won't really be any major steps between me and graduation as a doctor. How could this be?

After the GLEE finale (everyone should be watching GLEE, ps) I plan on driving down Thursday morning and arriving in Santa Barbara just in time for Flavor of India Lunch Buffet. My favorite restaurant and endlessness of it. Thursday night a bunch of my friends left in SB are going to Jill's Place (a lesbian owned steak house, yum) to pre-celebrate. Friday I will probably go to Flavor of India again for lunch, practice my defense and then go in from 2pm-4pm! Afterward, I think I'll get a celebratory (conciliatory?) drink before heading to my friends ranch in Cuyama for a weekend of relaxation with horses and dogs out in nature.

Wish me luck!!

The Engagement Story

So I thought life could not have been busier or more wonderful before...


And then Saturday came and changed everything. The short version: The most amazing man I have ever known got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him (I absolutely said YES)!

However - I know everyone really wants to hear the loooooooong version, so here it is! As you might remember Anders came to Kansas to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We had a wonderful time hanging out in Lawrence.


Thanksgiving was lovely. We watched movies, played board games, cooked, ate and drank wine. Each year my family writes down all of the things they are thankful for. Each thankful goes on a separate sheet of paper and into a basket. We then each draw out a handful and read them anonymously. They always range from the sweet and thoughtful (my amazing mother, my persevering father, my handsome, smart, successful brother) to the funny (thank goodness that rattlesnakes and razor blades are not fatal for dogs). This year we even included Anders parents - Nancy and Thor. They dictated their thankfuls to Anders and then we web-cammed them in while we read them out loud. It was so fun to virtually introduce our families and to get to share all that we are thankful for this holiday season.

My grandmother hosted a brunch for the cousins on Friday and it was so fun to catch up and see how they are doing.
But the best was yet to come...

On Saturday we had my Grandpa Art and Grandma Barb over for lunch. We had a lovely lunch of turkey soup and curried sweet potato soup. Yummm. After the dishes were cleared we were chatting around the kitchen table with my parents, brother and grandparents. Anders noted that it would probably be the last time we would see the grandparents this trip. He asked my grandmother if she thought he could stick around and come back again in the future. My grandmother said yes and something sweet about what a great guy they thought Anders was.

Anders responded with "Well I guess there is only one person left to ask..."

In the very next moment Anders was next to me and had dropped to one knee. He told me that words couldn't express the way that he loved me, but he hoped to spend the rest of our lives showing me. He brought out a perfect ring and asked me to marry him!
I immediately and very enthusiastically said YES! I found out later he had asked my parents and Drews blessing earlier in the trip. Knowing what an amazing man he is they all agreed that nothing would make them happier then seeing us together forever.
They all knew that the proposal would happen over lunch with my grandparents. Drew said he was so excited and nervous that he ended up holding his own hand under the table during the entire meal!

I was taken totally by surprise. It was so wonderful and meaningful that everyone was there to witness the proposal. It really felt like we were merging our two lives and families which is really special and important to both of us. They were able to share in this momentous occasion, celebrate with us, and fill me in on the things I forgot due to my very happy "I cant believe we are really engaged" daze!

Its true! We really are!

We immediately called Anders parents, put them on speaker phone and shared the happy news. The phone call was filled with lots of laughter, excitement and tears. We toasted our new family and enjoyed the magnitude of committing your whole life and love to another person.

We took a few quite moments alone to just enjoy it all and enjoy the beautiful 70 degree day!

And then called all of the grandmas!

We went for a walk around KU with the family and just spent the whole day celebrating!

November 28, 2009 was easily the happiest most important day of my life to date. It is hard to put into words how incredibly lucky and blessed I feel. Those of you who know Anders know instantly what a loving, generous, smart and driven man he is. I think I always hoped I would meet someone like him - but he is honestly so much more then I even could have imagined. He inspires me daily and is going to be an amazing partner, husband, father, and friend. I am truly overwhelmed with all that I have to be thankful for this year.

And did I mention how adorable and handsome he is?

Thank you all for the congratulations, well wishes and love we have received as the good news has spread. It means more then you will ever know.

So I will leave you hopefully with a few warm fuzzies after reading our sweet story and a picture of the peach love pie I baked for Anders the night we got engaged. Drew helped me out with the beautiful picture of a ring on the pie!
And - because I know everyone loves seeing the real ring I will leave you with a final picture of it. This picture doesn't nearly do it justice - it is just so breathtaking and spectacular in person. Did I mention what good taste he has?

We love you all!