Man - Things have been crazy. And to top it all off we had a HUGE snow storm here in DC this week. Almost 20 inches!
I am looking forward to catching up on South Africa posts, moving into the new house, being happily engaged - but for now I will levae you with Hux and the snow!
Have a very happy holiday!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Defended
Wow. The effort of twenty-three or six or a few years of education came to a culmination on Friday and I am still reeling from all of it. Completion of my dissertation has felt so distant for so long that to have suddenly passed it by is a little disorienting! Mind you, it's a lovely disorientation, but I have been so focused on finishing school for so long that it is hard to believe there could be anything else out there to focus on. I'm excited to find out (again)! Like today after work ... how will I entertain myself without more dissertation to work on?!
For the actual defense I had two hours scheduled with my committee on Friday, Dec. 11th from 2pm to 4pm. It was in the new building, which I had never been in, but it was actually very nice on the interior. Our defenses aren't completely open to the public, but they are trying to require new students to attend one before they defend themselves. Luckily for me, being the afternoon of Friday before winter break, no students showed up, so no pressure to perform in front of strangers. Just professors.
I had been practicing my powerpoint for days, trying to shorten it, as my committee chair said she only wanted 20 minutes of presentation and the remaining hour and forty minutes for questions and defending. My powerpoint was 20 slides and probably closer to an hour, but I didn't know any way to eliminate slides and still have a coherent presentation, and it worked out for the best because it stimulated discussion and conversation throughout.
The committee meets once at the beginning of the two hours and again toward the end when they decide the outcome. The first time they only met for a couple of minutes, which Tania (my advisor) whispered was a good sign as she led me back to the room. I did my presentation well and despite wanting to answer questions slightly differently in retrospect, they did not ask me anything that totally stumped me, which was nice. When I went into the defense it had started raining and about midway through the sun burst out and was shining in the window at me and that's when I realized things were going very well.
I think we only met for about an hour...maybe an hour and twenty before they ran out of questions. That was a good feeling too -- like I had thought about all of their questions and answered them during the presentation. I had a whole good-luck goodie bag from my mom with Asian metal fish, a rubbing stone, lavender, etc. and some of my own good luck additions -- a bobble head turtle I brought to UC Santa Barbara for my interview. I also wore a silver pin with a heart on it that my mom gave me and that was the first gift my dad bought her.
At the end, they asked me to leave and after less than 10 minutes they invited me back in and congratulated me! They each told me nice things (that I wish I had done a better job of recording) including telling me that my study was groundbreaking, masterful, and elegantly conducted. One member said she really saw the work I had put into the paper since the proposal. Another member said that with all the proposals, defenses and qualifying exams he was working on this quarter that he was looking forward to reading mine most! It was particularly meaningful because he is a counseling process and outcome researcher and very reluctant to give compliments. And then my advisor stayed and reiterated how excited she was about my project, how it is just what the field needs, and how I have to publish it quickly! She asked what I was going to do first and I said I needed to update my facebook status! We reminisced of all the changes in the last six years and hugged each other a few times in the excitement.
After that the celebration continued at my friends ranch in Cuyama. All in all, a pretty amazing week and a pretty important day in the scheme of things for Drew! Thanks for all the support and love and contact -- it's been amazing!
For the actual defense I had two hours scheduled with my committee on Friday, Dec. 11th from 2pm to 4pm. It was in the new building, which I had never been in, but it was actually very nice on the interior. Our defenses aren't completely open to the public, but they are trying to require new students to attend one before they defend themselves. Luckily for me, being the afternoon of Friday before winter break, no students showed up, so no pressure to perform in front of strangers. Just professors.
I had been practicing my powerpoint for days, trying to shorten it, as my committee chair said she only wanted 20 minutes of presentation and the remaining hour and forty minutes for questions and defending. My powerpoint was 20 slides and probably closer to an hour, but I didn't know any way to eliminate slides and still have a coherent presentation, and it worked out for the best because it stimulated discussion and conversation throughout.
The committee meets once at the beginning of the two hours and again toward the end when they decide the outcome. The first time they only met for a couple of minutes, which Tania (my advisor) whispered was a good sign as she led me back to the room. I did my presentation well and despite wanting to answer questions slightly differently in retrospect, they did not ask me anything that totally stumped me, which was nice. When I went into the defense it had started raining and about midway through the sun burst out and was shining in the window at me and that's when I realized things were going very well.
I think we only met for about an hour...maybe an hour and twenty before they ran out of questions. That was a good feeling too -- like I had thought about all of their questions and answered them during the presentation. I had a whole good-luck goodie bag from my mom with Asian metal fish, a rubbing stone, lavender, etc. and some of my own good luck additions -- a bobble head turtle I brought to UC Santa Barbara for my interview. I also wore a silver pin with a heart on it that my mom gave me and that was the first gift my dad bought her.
At the end, they asked me to leave and after less than 10 minutes they invited me back in and congratulated me! They each told me nice things (that I wish I had done a better job of recording) including telling me that my study was groundbreaking, masterful, and elegantly conducted. One member said she really saw the work I had put into the paper since the proposal. Another member said that with all the proposals, defenses and qualifying exams he was working on this quarter that he was looking forward to reading mine most! It was particularly meaningful because he is a counseling process and outcome researcher and very reluctant to give compliments. And then my advisor stayed and reiterated how excited she was about my project, how it is just what the field needs, and how I have to publish it quickly! She asked what I was going to do first and I said I needed to update my facebook status! We reminisced of all the changes in the last six years and hugged each other a few times in the excitement.
After that the celebration continued at my friends ranch in Cuyama. All in all, a pretty amazing week and a pretty important day in the scheme of things for Drew! Thanks for all the support and love and contact -- it's been amazing!
Friday, December 11, 2009
This guy...
After almost 23 years of consecutive education (seriously - the man hasn't taken a break since pre-school) this is perhaps the largest of Drews academic milestones. Today Drew defends his dissertation. Its kind of unbelievable how much he has accomplished. This is the last major step to him becoming a doctor. Most of you know what an an amazing person he is - smart, successful, handsome, hilarious and kind. I know he is going to blow them out of the water, however please send your good vibes out into the universe today for ol' Drew Bear (specifically at 2pm PST). So here is a photo montage of Drew and a little song we like to sing to help you with those positive thoughts!
You are the best
You can do anything
You can be anything you want to be...
You are a smileYou are a rainbow
You can do everything so perfectly
Sometimes we laugh (ahhhhhh!)
Sometimes we cry (ohhhhhh!)
Sometimes we hurt inside and don't understand why!
You're only human
You make mistakes
Why does it feel like only other people get the brea-aks!
Da da da da da dahhhh!
You're the best!
Love you DrewBear! GOOD LUCK!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The Countdown Begins
First, let me say how thrilled I am about the previous post! I have read and re-read it many times over the last week and a half. I have also referred a number of people to the blog, rather than retelling the story, since it is so comprehensive! The only thing I would add is that I was holding my hand under the table because Anders had told me the setup he was planning on and every time he began the initial approach with Grandma Barb and I would start to get nervous with anticipation, someone would hijack the conversation (usually Grandma Barb or Lyndsey! Probably because neither was in on it) and take it miles away from the intended landing site! And when this happened for the third or fourth time, I was beginning to wonder if the whole thing was going to be a bust. And I just wanted to help out, but I couldn't think of anything short of "Can it everyone, he has an important question!" So, instead and squeezed my own hand under the table and tried to appear focused. In short, I am so excited for the WTF merging and to have a brother. Especially a wonderful guy like Anders. I always wanted a brother growing up, but I was pretty firmly planted as the baby of the family and I think I would have been a miserable middle child, so I think this has all worked out for the best.
In other news I am about 72 hours away from my dissertation defense. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The defense in my program is a two-hour block with my committee where I present for about 20 minutes and then get an onslaught of questions for the remainder of the time. Our defenses aren't typically open to the public and I am happy with this option, although there may be a few students in the room in addition to my committee. The unfortunate piece is that there is very little advice people can give because it is *my* study and *my* writing and who knows on which pieces my committee will focus. The document is 165 pages and every time I read it, I find edits that I want to make, so I imagine they feel the same way.
I think what has been most helpful is hearing that my committee at this point is rooting for me, rather than against me (like in the qualifying exams or even the proposal meeting). At this point it is in everyone's best interest for me to finish and their responses are probably with that intent. I expect revisions and that is normal, but now they want the manuscript to be excellent and turned into an article. It's just hard to believe that the last six years (or 20) of academic preparation have been culminating in this moment. Once I leave (assuming I don't spontaneously combust), there won't really be any major steps between me and graduation as a doctor. How could this be?
After the GLEE finale (everyone should be watching GLEE, ps) I plan on driving down Thursday morning and arriving in Santa Barbara just in time for Flavor of India Lunch Buffet. My favorite restaurant and endlessness of it. Thursday night a bunch of my friends left in SB are going to Jill's Place (a lesbian owned steak house, yum) to pre-celebrate. Friday I will probably go to Flavor of India again for lunch, practice my defense and then go in from 2pm-4pm! Afterward, I think I'll get a celebratory (conciliatory?) drink before heading to my friends ranch in Cuyama for a weekend of relaxation with horses and dogs out in nature.
Wish me luck!!
In other news I am about 72 hours away from my dissertation defense. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The defense in my program is a two-hour block with my committee where I present for about 20 minutes and then get an onslaught of questions for the remainder of the time. Our defenses aren't typically open to the public and I am happy with this option, although there may be a few students in the room in addition to my committee. The unfortunate piece is that there is very little advice people can give because it is *my* study and *my* writing and who knows on which pieces my committee will focus. The document is 165 pages and every time I read it, I find edits that I want to make, so I imagine they feel the same way.
I think what has been most helpful is hearing that my committee at this point is rooting for me, rather than against me (like in the qualifying exams or even the proposal meeting). At this point it is in everyone's best interest for me to finish and their responses are probably with that intent. I expect revisions and that is normal, but now they want the manuscript to be excellent and turned into an article. It's just hard to believe that the last six years (or 20) of academic preparation have been culminating in this moment. Once I leave (assuming I don't spontaneously combust), there won't really be any major steps between me and graduation as a doctor. How could this be?
After the GLEE finale (everyone should be watching GLEE, ps) I plan on driving down Thursday morning and arriving in Santa Barbara just in time for Flavor of India Lunch Buffet. My favorite restaurant and endlessness of it. Thursday night a bunch of my friends left in SB are going to Jill's Place (a lesbian owned steak house, yum) to pre-celebrate. Friday I will probably go to Flavor of India again for lunch, practice my defense and then go in from 2pm-4pm! Afterward, I think I'll get a celebratory (conciliatory?) drink before heading to my friends ranch in Cuyama for a weekend of relaxation with horses and dogs out in nature.
Wish me luck!!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The Engagement Story
So I thought life could not have been busier or more wonderful before...
And then Saturday came and changed everything. The short version: The most amazing man I have ever known got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him (I absolutely said YES)!
However - I know everyone really wants to hear the loooooooong version, so here it is! As you might remember Anders came to Kansas to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We had a wonderful time hanging out in Lawrence.
Thanksgiving was lovely. We watched movies, played board games, cooked, ate and drank wine. Each year my family writes down all of the things they are thankful for. Each thankful goes on a separate sheet of paper and into a basket. We then each draw out a handful and read them anonymously. They always range from the sweet and thoughtful (my amazing mother, my persevering father, my handsome, smart, successful brother) to the funny (thank goodness that rattlesnakes and razor blades are not fatal for dogs). This year we even included Anders parents - Nancy and Thor. They dictated their thankfuls to Anders and then we web-cammed them in while we read them out loud. It was so fun to virtually introduce our families and to get to share all that we are thankful for this holiday season.
My grandmother hosted a brunch for the cousins on Friday and it was so fun to catch up and see how they are doing. 
But the best was yet to come...
On Saturday we had my Grandpa Art and Grandma Barb over for lunch. We had a lovely lunch of turkey soup and curried sweet potato soup. Yummm. After the dishes were cleared we were chatting around the kitchen table with my parents, brother and grandparents. Anders noted that it would probably be the last time we would see the grandparents this trip. He asked my grandmother if she thought he could stick around and come back again in the future. My grandmother said yes and something sweet about what a great guy they thought Anders was.
Anders responded with "Well I guess there is only one person left to ask..."
In the very next moment Anders was next to me and had dropped to one knee. He told me that words couldn't express the way that he loved me, but he hoped to spend the rest of our lives showing me. He brought out a perfect ring and asked me to marry him! 
I immediately and very enthusiastically said YES! I found out later he had asked my parents and Drews blessing earlier in the trip. Knowing what an amazing man he is they all agreed that nothing would make them happier then seeing us together forever.
They all knew that the proposal would happen over lunch with my grandparents. Drew said he was so excited and nervous that he ended up holding his own hand under the table during the entire meal!
I was taken totally by surprise. It was so wonderful and meaningful that everyone was there to witness the proposal. It really felt like we were merging our two lives and families which is really special and important to both of us. They were able to share in this momentous occasion, celebrate with us, and fill me in on the things I forgot due to my very happy "I cant believe we are really engaged" daze!
Its true! We really are!
We immediately called Anders parents, put them on speaker phone and shared the happy news. The phone call was filled with lots of laughter, excitement and tears. We toasted our new family and enjoyed the magnitude of committing your whole life and love to another person.
And then Saturday came and changed everything. The short version: The most amazing man I have ever known got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him (I absolutely said YES)!
However - I know everyone really wants to hear the loooooooong version, so here it is! As you might remember Anders came to Kansas to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We had a wonderful time hanging out in Lawrence.
Thanksgiving was lovely. We watched movies, played board games, cooked, ate and drank wine. Each year my family writes down all of the things they are thankful for. Each thankful goes on a separate sheet of paper and into a basket. We then each draw out a handful and read them anonymously. They always range from the sweet and thoughtful (my amazing mother, my persevering father, my handsome, smart, successful brother) to the funny (thank goodness that rattlesnakes and razor blades are not fatal for dogs). This year we even included Anders parents - Nancy and Thor. They dictated their thankfuls to Anders and then we web-cammed them in while we read them out loud. It was so fun to virtually introduce our families and to get to share all that we are thankful for this holiday season.
My grandmother hosted a brunch for the cousins on Friday and it was so fun to catch up and see how they are doing. 
But the best was yet to come...
On Saturday we had my Grandpa Art and Grandma Barb over for lunch. We had a lovely lunch of turkey soup and curried sweet potato soup. Yummm. After the dishes were cleared we were chatting around the kitchen table with my parents, brother and grandparents. Anders noted that it would probably be the last time we would see the grandparents this trip. He asked my grandmother if she thought he could stick around and come back again in the future. My grandmother said yes and something sweet about what a great guy they thought Anders was. 
Anders responded with "Well I guess there is only one person left to ask..."
In the very next moment Anders was next to me and had dropped to one knee. He told me that words couldn't express the way that he loved me, but he hoped to spend the rest of our lives showing me. He brought out a perfect ring and asked me to marry him! 
I immediately and very enthusiastically said YES! I found out later he had asked my parents and Drews blessing earlier in the trip. Knowing what an amazing man he is they all agreed that nothing would make them happier then seeing us together forever.
They all knew that the proposal would happen over lunch with my grandparents. Drew said he was so excited and nervous that he ended up holding his own hand under the table during the entire meal!
I was taken totally by surprise. It was so wonderful and meaningful that everyone was there to witness the proposal. It really felt like we were merging our two lives and families which is really special and important to both of us. They were able to share in this momentous occasion, celebrate with us, and fill me in on the things I forgot due to my very happy "I cant believe we are really engaged" daze!
Its true! We really are!
We immediately called Anders parents, put them on speaker phone and shared the happy news. The phone call was filled with lots of laughter, excitement and tears. We toasted our new family and enjoyed the magnitude of committing your whole life and love to another person.
We took a few quite moments alone to just enjoy it all and enjoy the beautiful 70 degree day!
And then called all of the grandmas!
We went for a walk around KU with the family and just spent the whole day celebrating!
November 28, 2009 was easily the happiest most important day of my life to date. It is hard to put into words how incredibly lucky and blessed I feel. Those of you who know Anders know instantly what a loving, generous, smart and driven man he is. I think I always hoped I would meet someone like him - but he is honestly so much more then I even could have imagined. He inspires me daily and is going to be an amazing partner, husband, father, and friend. I am truly overwhelmed with all that I have to be thankful for this year.
And did I mention how adorable and handsome he is?
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Thank you all for the congratulations, well wishes and love we have received as the good news has spread. It means more then you will ever know.
So I will leave you hopefully with a few warm fuzzies after reading our sweet story and a picture of the peach love pie I baked for Anders the night we got engaged. Drew helped me out with the beautiful picture of a ring on the pie!
And - because I know everyone loves seeing the real ring I will leave you with a final picture of it. This picture doesn't nearly do it justice - it is just so breathtaking and spectacular in person. Did I mention what good taste he has?
.JPG)
We love you all!
And then called all of the grandmas!
We went for a walk around KU with the family and just spent the whole day celebrating!
November 28, 2009 was easily the happiest most important day of my life to date. It is hard to put into words how incredibly lucky and blessed I feel. Those of you who know Anders know instantly what a loving, generous, smart and driven man he is. I think I always hoped I would meet someone like him - but he is honestly so much more then I even could have imagined. He inspires me daily and is going to be an amazing partner, husband, father, and friend. I am truly overwhelmed with all that I have to be thankful for this year.
And did I mention how adorable and handsome he is?.JPG)
Thank you all for the congratulations, well wishes and love we have received as the good news has spread. It means more then you will ever know.
So I will leave you hopefully with a few warm fuzzies after reading our sweet story and a picture of the peach love pie I baked for Anders the night we got engaged. Drew helped me out with the beautiful picture of a ring on the pie!
And - because I know everyone loves seeing the real ring I will leave you with a final picture of it. This picture doesn't nearly do it justice - it is just so breathtaking and spectacular in person. Did I mention what good taste he has?
.JPG)
We love you all! Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Excited!
I cannot believe a month ago I was landing in Capetown. It feels like it was yesterday! I am going to take a very brief time out from South African blogging. I promise posts are coming and I will do my best to be productive over Thanksgiving. We dont need this epic journey to drag on and on.
Instead this will be a quick and very exciting update. Anders successfully closed on the house! After months and months of waiting we are finally here! I think we are both so excited to finally get to start our life together and to move into this beautiful new home. Unfortunately Anders work schedule has been a bit hectic during the past few weeks. You know - 7 days a week 8am to midnight or later - typical lawyer madness!
With Anders swamped at work I have taken the charge on the paint, prep and move to do list. I started with the grimy and dark laundry room first. It was a gross job - lots of navigating bug parts while painting many nooks and crannies. However it looks beautiful now! I'm excited to do the final touch ups and reveal it to the world! We also picked a lot rich paint colors for the rest of the house. That job is much bigger so I have been getting estimates from contractors and I hired a painter today. I am so lucky to have picked up construction lingo from my days working at Scott Thomas Construction and to have a father who can create a complete bid scope at the drop of the hat. I had plenty of good coaching on how to whip these contractors into shape. It will all get painted next week, so look forward to a future post with beautiful (hopefully) before and after pictures.
Beyond that I am so excited for Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday by far - I love the opportunity to reflect on those things that I am thankful for and to eat really amazing food. What could be better?!? It will be particularly special this year because Anders is coming to Kansas to spend the holiday with the WTs. I imagine it is hard to spend your first big holiday away from your own family and I am so thankful that he is really excited about flying halfway across the country to be with mine. Have I mentioned how amazing he is?
Anyway - in my lead up to Thanksgiving excitement all I can think about is eating. I thought I would share a favorite website of mine. Its a visual food buffet and filled with lots of seasonal recipes and beautiful photography!
http://www.tastespotting.com/
This week I had my staff share their favorite dish from Thanksgiving dinner. It was so interesting to hear the wide variety and unusual items that different families include - from a layered squash, cheddar, tomato dish to classic Greek food to a deviled egg/cream of mushroom casserole (yikes)! Personally I really like the classics. My moms stuffing, really great mashed potatoes, and as many varieties of cranberry sauce as possible. For desert I enjoy ALL types of pie - but my Grandma Barbs chocolate pie is certainly a Thanksgiving classic. And it would not be a complete meal without Pillsbury crescent rolls carefully constructed by DrewBear.
So world - what dish are you looking forward to?
Instead this will be a quick and very exciting update. Anders successfully closed on the house! After months and months of waiting we are finally here! I think we are both so excited to finally get to start our life together and to move into this beautiful new home. Unfortunately Anders work schedule has been a bit hectic during the past few weeks. You know - 7 days a week 8am to midnight or later - typical lawyer madness!
With Anders swamped at work I have taken the charge on the paint, prep and move to do list. I started with the grimy and dark laundry room first. It was a gross job - lots of navigating bug parts while painting many nooks and crannies. However it looks beautiful now! I'm excited to do the final touch ups and reveal it to the world! We also picked a lot rich paint colors for the rest of the house. That job is much bigger so I have been getting estimates from contractors and I hired a painter today. I am so lucky to have picked up construction lingo from my days working at Scott Thomas Construction and to have a father who can create a complete bid scope at the drop of the hat. I had plenty of good coaching on how to whip these contractors into shape. It will all get painted next week, so look forward to a future post with beautiful (hopefully) before and after pictures.
Beyond that I am so excited for Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday by far - I love the opportunity to reflect on those things that I am thankful for and to eat really amazing food. What could be better?!? It will be particularly special this year because Anders is coming to Kansas to spend the holiday with the WTs. I imagine it is hard to spend your first big holiday away from your own family and I am so thankful that he is really excited about flying halfway across the country to be with mine. Have I mentioned how amazing he is?
Anyway - in my lead up to Thanksgiving excitement all I can think about is eating. I thought I would share a favorite website of mine. Its a visual food buffet and filled with lots of seasonal recipes and beautiful photography!
http://www.tastespotting.com/
This week I had my staff share their favorite dish from Thanksgiving dinner. It was so interesting to hear the wide variety and unusual items that different families include - from a layered squash, cheddar, tomato dish to classic Greek food to a deviled egg/cream of mushroom casserole (yikes)! Personally I really like the classics. My moms stuffing, really great mashed potatoes, and as many varieties of cranberry sauce as possible. For desert I enjoy ALL types of pie - but my Grandma Barbs chocolate pie is certainly a Thanksgiving classic. And it would not be a complete meal without Pillsbury crescent rolls carefully constructed by DrewBear.
So world - what dish are you looking forward to?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Million Little Pieces
First, I love the photos from South Afrika. Second, I apologize for being delayed in my posting.
Despite being completely swamped with finishing the final edits and revisions to my dissertation (currently 175 pages) before I send it out next week, and preparing my cover letters and applications for jobs and post docs for next year, and the fact that the week before Thanksgiving is traditionally the busiest week of the quarter, AND the fact that I have to help review and select from the 175 intern applications for next year before December 4th, I managed to finish the first book I've read for pleasure in quite some time. It was the controversial not-so-autobiographical novel A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. The Smoking Gun.com says it is "filled with fabrications, falsehoods, other fakery." Still, it was an excellent read.
And what's more important is the fact that I am glad to be reading for pleasure again. I think it may go on hiatus for the next few weeks as I prepare for my defense, but since starting at Stanford two hours of my day are spent on a train. In the beginning I simply listened to my iPod ("Aisha") and observed the other patrons of the CalTrain system. It is fascinating to watch people on trains. Who sits where. Who talks to whom. Who wears what. How the conductors treat people who don't purchase tickets (once my friends ticket printed incorrectly and the conductor wanted her to sing to stay on board!). Every day interactions become interesting studies on human behavior. And looking out the window at the strange shops (e.g., how does Mary's Flag World stay in business??) and people (e.g., the woman wearing a raccoon skin cap who is out every morning at 7:30am preaching her conspiracy theories) we (thankfully?) pass.
Eventually, my sociological study faded into feeling like I should be more productive on the train. I wanted to do school work and printed out some documents to review but that is a hard way to stop and start my day. So, I picked up A Million Little Pieces and became hooked. Even knowing it was not 100% based in fact it is a fascinating novel and a terrifying look at addiction.
As a therapist I have worked with many people addicted to alcohol, drugs, the internet, porn, sex, exercise, eating, etc. and the human capacity for addiction seems almost limitless. Some seems based in our evolution (e.g., the idea of binging on food made sense when we might not have regular meals between hunts) and some seems based on predispositions and neurotransmitters. Working with addicts is typically incredibly stressful and my first alcoholic client taught me so much about not being too invested in client success as a measure of my work. I would work so hard in session and we would agree on how little she would drink and I would leave feeling great and trusting her to hold up her end of the agreement and she would come back the next week having too much to drink and being beaten down and worried that I would judge her for it. And maybe some small part of me did judge her (although I never showed it) but the larger piece judged myself for not finding the magic cure for her.
The truth is, there is no magic cure, especially not for addiction. She needed to struggle and suffer and prepare herself to make the changes she so desperately wanted to make. The idea of rock bottom made sense in this case, although rock bottom is sometimes much darker than we would hope or expect. And that didn't reflect on the good work we each were doing in and out of session. Still, the heartache of watching people in pain strikes a particular cord when willpower is not enough. And although James Frey wrote an excellent novel, I worry about some of the messages it sends about willpower being enough to stop addiction, especially when addiction is part of a larger system or family dynamic or the only coping method available.
All that to say...I can't wait to find the next book for my commute! Any suggestions?
Also, one week until Thanksgiving and I am ready to get out of California, to see my family, and to pass out from a good turkey dose of tryptophan!
Despite being completely swamped with finishing the final edits and revisions to my dissertation (currently 175 pages) before I send it out next week, and preparing my cover letters and applications for jobs and post docs for next year, and the fact that the week before Thanksgiving is traditionally the busiest week of the quarter, AND the fact that I have to help review and select from the 175 intern applications for next year before December 4th, I managed to finish the first book I've read for pleasure in quite some time. It was the controversial not-so-autobiographical novel A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. The Smoking Gun.com says it is "filled with fabrications, falsehoods, other fakery." Still, it was an excellent read.
And what's more important is the fact that I am glad to be reading for pleasure again. I think it may go on hiatus for the next few weeks as I prepare for my defense, but since starting at Stanford two hours of my day are spent on a train. In the beginning I simply listened to my iPod ("Aisha") and observed the other patrons of the CalTrain system. It is fascinating to watch people on trains. Who sits where. Who talks to whom. Who wears what. How the conductors treat people who don't purchase tickets (once my friends ticket printed incorrectly and the conductor wanted her to sing to stay on board!). Every day interactions become interesting studies on human behavior. And looking out the window at the strange shops (e.g., how does Mary's Flag World stay in business??) and people (e.g., the woman wearing a raccoon skin cap who is out every morning at 7:30am preaching her conspiracy theories) we (thankfully?) pass.
Eventually, my sociological study faded into feeling like I should be more productive on the train. I wanted to do school work and printed out some documents to review but that is a hard way to stop and start my day. So, I picked up A Million Little Pieces and became hooked. Even knowing it was not 100% based in fact it is a fascinating novel and a terrifying look at addiction.
As a therapist I have worked with many people addicted to alcohol, drugs, the internet, porn, sex, exercise, eating, etc. and the human capacity for addiction seems almost limitless. Some seems based in our evolution (e.g., the idea of binging on food made sense when we might not have regular meals between hunts) and some seems based on predispositions and neurotransmitters. Working with addicts is typically incredibly stressful and my first alcoholic client taught me so much about not being too invested in client success as a measure of my work. I would work so hard in session and we would agree on how little she would drink and I would leave feeling great and trusting her to hold up her end of the agreement and she would come back the next week having too much to drink and being beaten down and worried that I would judge her for it. And maybe some small part of me did judge her (although I never showed it) but the larger piece judged myself for not finding the magic cure for her.
The truth is, there is no magic cure, especially not for addiction. She needed to struggle and suffer and prepare herself to make the changes she so desperately wanted to make. The idea of rock bottom made sense in this case, although rock bottom is sometimes much darker than we would hope or expect. And that didn't reflect on the good work we each were doing in and out of session. Still, the heartache of watching people in pain strikes a particular cord when willpower is not enough. And although James Frey wrote an excellent novel, I worry about some of the messages it sends about willpower being enough to stop addiction, especially when addiction is part of a larger system or family dynamic or the only coping method available.
All that to say...I can't wait to find the next book for my commute! Any suggestions?
Also, one week until Thanksgiving and I am ready to get out of California, to see my family, and to pass out from a good turkey dose of tryptophan!
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